In the past of course my Friday nights would have been occupied with far more exciting concerns - which dress to wear, which friends to grace with my presence, what drink to sip and eventually which dance floor to embarrass my self on with some rather enthusiastic Mr Bean inspired thrusting.
Oh how things have changed! And indeed it is nights like this were my frustration with the situation then develops into anger at myself - Why can't I just change things? Surely I must have some control over the situation? But no, it would appear that I most definitely don't.
As I clutch at straws for optimism in this mess I note that the one good thing about this weekend is that I haven't made plans to go out which in the end would have to be cancelled leading to greater disappointment. There is now a resignation that this is how it will have to be for a while but I am only allowing this resignation to prevail on the basis that it is purely a TEMPORARY SITUATION.
I am taking the necessary steps to seek help and advice. I am trying everything and there is still more to do. I am dealing with the problem head on. So in that respect "Go me, woo girl power and let's follow that up with a high five for good measure..."
I have mentioned before that I have deliberately been trying not to let this dictate my life and for the most part I haven't however after the past week, which has been my worst on record, I have been left feeling run down and physically ravaged. You see with this problem it is not just the embarrassment factor that you have to learn to control it is also then dealing with evil side effects of having had the big D constantly for 5/6 days in a row (and we are talking daytime and night time here).
I am exhausted, my limbs are weak, I have lost about about half a stone in weight and my head aches both from dehydration and from listening to myself whine like an annoying loser. I have found myself devoting much of my day to bending the ear of my partner, lamenting my physical and emotional woes as if I am the only person in the world with any concerns. This new hobby of self obsession is something that I certainly don't enjoy and if I am irritating myself with it I can only imagine how he is feeling...but I think that the impact that this can have on relationships will have to be a topic for another day.
So with an evening in front of the TV destined to be I may as well make the most of it with some non offensive snacks and a hefty handful of supplements and vitamins to keep my stomach in check. I feel like I should make a personal apology to my local fast food establishment as I continue to walk past them in favour of the health food shop a couple of doors down however this lady is now living MSG free!
Where once there was chicken fried rice with a healthy dollop of curry sauce there now sits a poorly cooked baked potato with sunflower oil and tuna, my crisps have transformed into Imodium, Spasmonal and Buscopam and my beloved chocolate has been dumped for Calcium, Flaxeed Oil, Colpermin and Acidophilus.
When you put all of these changes together with my usual Friday night skimpy dress becoming an unflattering pair of PJ's, my impossibly high heels reduced to slippers and my drink of choice going from wine to water it is really a case of a Cinderella story backfiring with splendidly awful results. Needless to say if I meet my Fairy Godmother I will not be held responsible for my actions!
As I said I was going to keep you posted on what works and what doesn't and so for everything I mentioned above here are my own personal results:
Imodium - Only useful as a temporary fix unfortunately, great for giving you a bit of confidence for a night out but definitely not a permanent solution. If taken on a regular basis it will start to wear off in a very short amount of time or stop working altogether.
Buscopam - Did very little for me.
Spasmonal - This is the next step up from Buscopam and it does work to help alleviate cramps caused by wind. Only problem then is that you have to deal with the wind...I was told that it would help to slow down the BM's and unfortunately I did not experience this side of it. I imagine it would be great for constipation.
Calcium and Flaxeed Oil - I started taking both of these at the same time and I found that within two days things had improved slightly, however just over a week later and everything returned to how it had been before. Although I am still taking them I am not entirely sure what they are doing. I had found that these were recommended on several websites/forums so they might have more joy for someone else.
Colpermin - Again I have not had much relief from Colpermin either. Many of the supplements available are to help the smooth running of the digestive system and clearly I do not have any issue with food travelling smoothly through me. What I would like would be a supplement that acts as a road block about half way down...Alas this does not exist!
Acidophilus - This one I am taking for damage limitation in the hope that it will prevent any further irritation being caused by this long term over use and speedy transit in my lower digestive tract.
So as I tuck into my reformed Friday night treats and bore myself to sleep with a predictably awful programme I will be clinging on to one little golden ray of sunshine that is peaking out from behind this cloud of shit...
I am going to have THE most awesome bikini body this summer and I didn't even have to visit the gym once.
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